Empty Nest

Don't judge....

Don't laugh.....

well....

you can laugh if u want to.....

Well...

I always write serious stuff....

and you have never seen me write like this....

but bear with me....

hopefully it will be worth ur while.....

I am going to paint u a picture.....

and I want u to open ur mind's eye....

and try to see every detail I am about to describe.....

Each year....

some time....

between spring....

and summer.....

birds.....

of all kinds.....

build nests all around my house......

humming birds....

build the tiniest and tidiest of them all.....

small....

tiny little nests....

made with the finest of branches....

and lined with small feathers....

or cat hairs, rabit, or dog haris piled up in bunches.....

and stuck between bushes...

or caught in spider webs.....

big enough to hold two tiny little eggs the size of pearls....

I have one....

that is three years old....

and keeps getting re-used....

by different humming birds....

each year....

some times....

twice in one season.....

Somewhat like a small apartment for a young newly-wed couple.....

or better yet....

a timeshare for pregnant young humming bird moms....

Doves.....

the little light brown colored ones.....

make their nests among the branches of trees.....

using palm tree leaves as giant umbrellas....

that would pretect their young from the sizzling sun....

or drenching rain....

Sparrows.....

use overhangs.....

gutters.....

crevasses in the masonry....

All around the house.....

u have seen bird nests i'm sure....

u might have even pick one off the ground.....

after it was abandoned by the inhabitants.....

Possibly,.,,,

u've even took the time....

to examine one,....

and perhaps....

like me....

you have appreciated in pure amazement......

the intricate attention to detail.....

the patience.....

and the dedication it must have taken....

for a small animal....

without hands and fingers....

to build such a thing....

purely out of instincts .....

and without....

any architectural....

mathematical.....

or technical....

learning.....

or comprehension.....

....

Well...

About a month ago....

a couple of sparrows.....

among all the other birds.....

that choose my home as their desired suburban  neighborhood.....

away from a hustle and bustle of the big city life....!!!

built a nest.....

in my backyard.....

they built this dream home of theirs.....

under a roof overhang.....

where two walls come together in an inverted 90 degree angle....

right on top of gutter drain pipe....

exactly where it bends like the back of a knee....

where the gutter....

follows underneath the roof overhang....

bends....

and continues down the wall.....

to the ground.....

Can u picture it....?

Unlike....

all other birds....

and all other nests....

that I have been lucky to observe....

in a lifespan of 43 years.....

this particular nest....

is by far....

and without any exaggeration......

(u really can't make this up)....

is the sloppiest.....

most disorganized....

ugliest.....

and most misshapen....

nest you can imagine.....

I swear....

the branches are thick....

and long......

some...

even have small leaves hanging on them still.....

this nest....

has no particular geometric shape.....

and ....

parts and pieces....

stick out...

and hang down....

from all sides.....

The best thing to compare this nest to....

would be for you to imagine....

an old and dirty shack.....

put together....

haphazardly.....

by rusty sheets of tin..... or light metal.....

rotten and broken wooden boards....

half broken windows....

missing front steps....

broken and crooked windows....

and a door....

hanging off of one hinge...

barely hanging on to its frame....

an old dirty and rusty truck with dents and faded colors.....

parked in the dirt next to the house....

no tires....

resting on cinderblocks....

a "thing",....

that some day used to be a red couch....

sitting on the over grown, patchy, and yellowing lawn.....

worn out....

dusty....

with springs and stuffing sticking out in many places.....

right next to it....

on the ground....

there is cheap....

naked....

dirty....

half dented....

one eyed....

half balled.....

plastic doll....

that a small child must have dragged behind on the ground all day,,,,,

Between the only remaining front porch beam......

and where the truck's driver's side mirror used to be.....

there is a dirty old rope.....

serving as a drying line....

on it.....

two boxer shorts.....

with holes in them....

and right underneath all this....

a metal trough....

used for washing clothes....

half filled with muddy water.....

get the picture?.....

Really...

this nest ....

looks more like these branches and leaves.....

accumulated there by wind or a storm....

a testament.....

of my sloppy house keeping....

for not keeping nooks and crannies of my house clean and free of debris.....

than....

anything that was built....

to server a purpose of any kind....

I let it remain.....

because....

by the time I noticed this architectural disaster.....

there were two tiny eggs in it already.....

Those poor chicks....

what shame they must have endured.....

......

this afternoon.....

i was in the backyard.....

enjoying a fresh cup of coffee....

smoking a cig....

thanking god that the week was over....

and day dreaming.....

I started starring at this nest.....

now empty of life....

and....

as esthetically unpleasing to the eye as ever.....

My mind started wondering....

as I so love to let it do so....

from time to time....

to take a break from what occupies it all the time....

to let it roam and play....

like a child....

on a summer day.....

in an open field.....

Here are the thoughts that came to me....

here are...

the images that I saw,,,,,

"boy...  this is a disaster of a nest....."

"why is this the only bird nest that I have seen look so beat up.... from day one?".....

"Was this an unexpected and unwanted pregnancy?"

"where these a very young sparrow couple who had babies out of wedlock... and couldn't afford decent housing?".....

"or....."

"was this nest built by the laziest, and stupidest male sparrow for his bride?"....

"if so...."

"what must have the female sparrow told her husband....."

"as he proudly brought his bride to this spot to show her the house that he had - single-handedly - and without any help - built for her?".....

I heard the female bird's voice in my head.....

"OH MY GOD.... FRED.... OH.... FRED..... OH......"

"What is it honey beaks....?"  Fred replied inquisitively....

"Don't u like it?"....

"Is there something wrong?".....

"OH FRED... OH MY GOD....."

Now breaking into tears of disappointment and shame.....

in her own inability to find a male sparrow worthy of her.....

"how do you expect me to raise our chicks in this dump?".....

"is it even structurally sound and safe?".....

"off course it is honey beaks.....   see the size of those branches?.....  I almost couldn't fly and carry them around"....

"Fred...... I can't live in this thing......"

"Why not honey beaks?"....  U r just not urself.... it is your hormones talking..... it is the stress of having to lay eggs and care for them for weeks that is stressing you out"....

"Don't even start with me FRED....."...

"I'm not in the mood for your stupid comments"....

"not after this".....

"OH GOD..... how can I live here?.......  How can I face the other birds...?......"

"Other birds?  Honeybeeeeaks?".....

"Don't honey beaks me u idiot?'......

"have u seen the nest that Edward built for Lucy down the block?".....

"U know... the sparrows we met over that spilled garbage can on Thursday.....?"

"look....."

"look over there....."

"See that small tiny humming bird......?"

"have you seen the nest he made"....?

"he is not even half ur size for god's sake".....

"honeybeaaaaks..... ur blowing things all out of proportion and acting just like ur mom now.....  a nest is a nest...."...

"A nest is a nest?..... is that all u have to say for urself?......  off course,,,, u don't have to sit on these branches... getting poked from all sides.... for three weeks....   u don't have to constantly worry if this ugly pile of mess is gong to collapse any minute......"

"Even if u didn't care about my comfort..... ur not enough of a father to think of the safety of ur children......"....

"OH GOD.... what did i do to deserve this shame?......   where did I go wrong to deserve such moron for a husband?....."

"U know what FRED....?  this is it.....  we r through....  I have to lay these eggs and haven't got the time to wait for another nest....."

" i will put up with this shame..... until the chicks are old enough to fly out of this death trap you call a nest......"

"after that we r through......  U UNDERSTAND?..... U hear me FRED?"......  We r through".....

.....

At first.....

these thoughts and images....

were funny and amusing to me.....

but as I followed the progression of this dialogue in my head....

it became dark and depressing.....

not funny anymore.....

I looked at the nest one more time....

now....

empty....

deserted....

cold....

and abandoned....

still standing....

took a last puff off my cigarette....

and jammed it into the ashtray to put it out.....

still looking at the nest....

I closed my eyes....

turned....

and walked away!!!!!