Observing the observer

by nature....
I am not a soldiery creature.....

this is no confession.....
as everyone who knows me.... 
even a little.....
has already come to this realization......

this need....
to be surrounded by others.....
or at least one other.....
(with the exception of when I write, paint, or in some way engaged in a creative process)
is perhaps....
a sign of a character flaw on my part.....
(not that I have  a lot of flaws- or at least, I am about to confess to many more)...  LOL
maybe....
i do have a need to reach self realization through others.....
maybe....
i constantly need the reaffirmation of others.....
or....
it could just be that I am a social creature......  
(which is amazing in itself..... as I was such an introvert as a child)!

Any how....
the idea of sitting at home alone....
or wasting the day on a couch watching TV.....
or the worse one of them all - playing lazy and sleeping through the day.....
is not my cup of tea.....

so....
I decided to go "people watching"......

it took me a while to pick and decide...... 
where....
I wanted to go....
where.....
I needed to be....

took a shower.....
dressed up......
not to be conspicuous.....
not to just mesh or blend in.....
(I no longer want to go unnoticed....  unlike my childhood - when all I wanted was to disappear in the crowd - if I was in unfamiliar settings.  Don't get me wrong....  I was an attention hog even when I was a child.... but only from those whom I knew.  I wasn't good at unfamiliar social settings at all).....
as usual.....
I did my best.....
to dress.....
so that I would be noticed......

I wanted "people" to know that I was there......
watching them....
reading them.....
judging them.....
I wanted to be "right in their faces".....
and I wanted to see their reactions....
wanted them to also judge me.....

after all....
a "social interaction".....
needs to be a two-way one....

I drove to a local popular hangout......
filled with bars, restaurants, and shops.....
a perfect place.....
for teenagers to hang out......
for singles to hunt for Mr. or Miss "right".... or Mr. or Miss "right now"!
for people to go out on dates.....
for friends to meet and spend time together.....
and for bored couples to feel good about themselves by "spending time" together in a place where they actually "don't" have to do or say anything "together".....
and can just walk around.... 
and window shop.....
or "people watch"......
thus avoiding the same old conversations and repeated stories......
or even.....
to avoid talking at all.... 
for the fear of getting into an argument......  
like they always do....
when they talk about anything other than what should go on the grocery list.....
or what happened at the dry cleaners that day.....

...

Drove into the large parking structure......
the sign showed in big green letters.....
how many parking spaces were available on each of the 3 floors......
112 spaces available on the first floor.....
2nd and 3rd floors showed "FULL"....
strange!
I thought to myself.....
shouldn't the parking lot fill up from bottom to top?
it is only 8 pm....
did the 112 people just got up and left because they were here all day?

so...
as always.....
I ignored what the sign was trying to tell me....
and went straight to the second floor.....
sounds stupid... ha?
why go to a floor that u know is "full"?....
guess what?
as soon as i wnet up the ramp and got to the second floor.....
all the while peeking through all the cars that were driving around space hunting up there.....
I saw a car getting ready to pull out of a "perfect" corner spot.....  where u don't have to worry about door dings.....
quickly.....
turned on my signal light....
to proudly announce.....
to all other potential space seekers....
that this spot was now "mine".....

WHO IS STUPID NOW?  HA?

I pulled in....
parked the car....
pushed the button to put the convertible top back up....
and as the top just clicked into motion.....
two middled aged ladies....
who were obviously going home from an "all girl" happy hour.....
passed by....
both....
looking at me....
smiling....
and signaling each other....
giggling....
when they got close.....
now staring directly at me.....
and smiling as seductively as they possibly could in their half drunken state.....
one of them said something.....
which was meant to be some sort of a come-on or a pickup line.....
I didn't catch all of it.....
but I smiled back at them....
as the top closed and windows came up.....
and they giggled like teenage girls.....

Got out of the car....
took the stairs....
and walked towards the complex.....

The place was packed....
as usual...

I walked by a few shops....
passed one of my favorite restaurants.....
and had to slow down....
as I hit a large crowd of people waiting in front of a comedy club.....
waiting to get in.....
among them....
was this young lady in her twenties....
very ordinary....
standing in line with her also very ordinary girl friend....
I noticed her because she was trying to light up a fat cigar with a matchstick.....
I walked towards them....
at the same time reaching into my pocket for my lighter.....
"u can be here all night trying to light that torpedo with matches" i said.....
she looked up...
looked annoyed....
"what?" she said....
I repeated myself and flicked my lighter.....
she leaned over and took a big puff....
the fat cigar lit up perfectly.....
before she had a chance to lift her head up to say anything, I was gone.....

I had a dilemma....
I needed my Starbucks coffee....
and I needed a perfect place to sit at and watch people at....

in this complex....
Starbucks is located on the second floor of a book store....
and the coffee shop that does have a place to sit, and is also located at the center of the complex - a perfect place for my purpose - serves  the worst coffee ever.....

So....
as you have guessed already.....
I went and got my Starbucks coffee and walked over to the shop with the crappy coffee.....

"today is my day"....  I thought to myself....
as I saw the perfect empty table in front of the shop in a nice corner....
it even had an ashtray on it....
what else can a man ask for, ha?
this was indeed unusual.... as this place is always packed.....

so this marked the second lucky event of the evening....
first... finding the perfect parking spot....
and now this!

what else is gonna go my way tonight?
will Elizabeth Hurly (my current favorite) pass by... notice me.... and plant a big wet one on me?
Ya... sure....

I sat down....
took a sip of the coffee....
and lit up a cig....

"people watching" process commencing......

...


As I "people watch"....
I don't hide it....
I look at them straight in the eye.....
I want to see them....
really SEE them....

It is absolutely amazing to me.....
how some people wear their life stories on their faces.....
that is... if you look closely enough.....

am I this way also?
can others look into my eyes and see right through them?  
I thought to myself......

People passed by....
mostly couples....
some in groups....
It felt as though I was the only one there who wasn't with someone.....
young ones....
old ones....
pretty ones...
ugly ones....
short ones....
tall ones....
fats and fits....
they were all there....
for my viewing and studying pleasure.....

as they passed.....
it felt like they had all been waiting in the back somewhere.....
for me to arrive at my spot....
and once I did....
some ushers unleashed the crowd....
to begin their march....
for my amusement.....

Some...
returned my gaze....
and some....
walked by without even noticing me....
strangely....
out of all the people who did notice me...
or at least acknowledged that they did.....
were men.....

Why is that?

I can only guess.....
First of all....
god has given most women the ability to look at things through their periphery vision! 
They can walk right passed you and know what color underwear you had on without even disengaging their eyes for a second.....
so they are not as obvious as men....

Secondly.....
Men have two more reasons to be conscious of other men.....
The first is that men are always checking to see who is looking at the woman they are with...... 
on the watch.... to protect what they think is theirs.....
Second, and most importantly.....
Because most men are competitive and territorial in nature....
they always check other men in their surroundings to determine how they measure and stack up.....
kind of the same way women look each other up and down to see who is wearing what.... what matches and what does not.... and what flaws the other person has....

....

Remember.....
the "bored couples" i mentioned earlier?
Usually married ones!!!
well....
this place was packed with them....
when you think about it....
it is rather depressing.....
to see how the whole relationship process evolves......

Let me explain.....
Out of the people who passed by....
the easiest ones to stop are those who just started dating.....
they are usually better dressed than the married ones.....
and they have this "fakeness" about them....
they are not at ease with themselves.....
still in the "i need to impress by not showing who I really am" stage.....
still in the "i need to appear that I am paying attention to you" phase....

true for most people - disagree with me if you wish - but I know I am right.... and you know it too.....
Once most people get passed this stage....
especially true with the passage of some time...
let say 2 or 3 years.....
they are done getting to know one another.....
either because they are disappointed with what they thought and what they actually found.....
or because they simply gave up on the process.... 

OK...
before you tell me that I am being cynical, I will admit that this is not true about everybody..... but as long as I am concerned..... it applies to the majority out there.....

.....

Alright....
So a few hours go by....
I am down to my second cup of coffee (had to get the second one from the crappy place because I didn't want to lose my spot); and the ashtray is filling up.....
a thousand people have passed by....
colors....
smells....
gestures.....
partial conversations.....
facial expressions.....
I am inhaling them all.....

guessing....
judging....
reading "my version" of their life stories.....

.....

Outside of where I am sitting....
in the middle of the walkway....
a park-style metal bench divides the path....
a group of teenagers (boys and girls) begins to gather around the bench.....
skinny, pimply boys....
wearing pants that are tighter than socks.....
with silly looking hair that looks like they just got out of 2-week long sleep....
and no asses whatsoever to fill those tight pants.....
and girls that no longer look like girls but are not yet considered women either.....
and yet somehow looking a few years older than the ass-less boys (although they are all the same age).....
They are one by one gathering at this bench.....
like birds do on telephone wires right before sundown on autumn nights.....

At first....
other than being noisy and loud....
and being completely ridiculous looking.....
they offered nothing much to me and my purpose there....
so I ignored them....

but soon after the size of the group had reached 14.....
I noticed something that I could not ignore.....
without exception....
or any exaggeration.....
every single one of them......
boy or girl.....
sitting or standing.....
had a cell phone in their hand....
and was busy texting someone.....!!!
they only time that these people would interact with each other....
was when one had something interesting on the screen of his/her phone to show another.....!!!!
What is the purpose of gathering in a group....
and engaging in an activity which is totally solitary?.... I thought to myself.....
what on earth could they be texting?......
and to whom?.....

"guess where I am?".....
"guess who is here and who just showed up?".....
"where are you"?.....
"are u coming"?....
"come on.... don't be such a fag.... get off your ass and come here....  we are having a blast"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.....

and it suddenly dawned on me......
The irony of it caught me by surprise....
and hit me like a ton of bricks.....

between the clueless teenagers.....
the bored couples who came out so that they didn't have to look at each other's faces all night....
the men and women on the prowl.....
and those looking to score and hoping that they had made a good enough impression and thus having earned the right to get laid that night....
those who came out to enjoy the company of friends.....
and let's not be cynical here.....
those couples who had come out to share an evening together....
to build memories together......

The only one who was.....
in need of companionship.....
and void of it....
in need of human interaction....
and yet solitary.....
and the most ridiculous of them all...

was the observer.....

It was I.