Life In Reverse

Prelude…

 

Before you read this post… I want to caution you that I have made references to certain human behavior that I have criticized; and what occurs to us in the natural process of aging that I have described in a rather blunt manner.

Although I do not apologize for what I have written, I want you – the reader  - to know that:

(a) I am just as vain and shallow as the next person (if not more)…  So I am not singling anyone one out; and I am certainly not worthy to judge anyone…

(b) my references to what happens to us (men and women) during the aging process is not to demean those of us who are passed the age of 40…

 

Now…

If you wish…

Shed your delicate nature…

And read on…

 

 

 

Do any of you remember the TV sitcom “Mork and Mindy”?

It was on during the mid to late 80s….  I guess….

The premise of the show was that an alien (Mork – played by Robin Williams) comes to earth and befriends this woman (Mindy)….

 

Robin does what he does best….

And plays the character of Mork with all the goofiness he can muster….

Obviously….

The excuse is that since Mork is from another planet, his reactions to his new surroundings can be goofy and childish (even though he looks like a grown man)…..

 

The show was not brilliant or Emmy worthy by any stretch of the imagination….

It simply was ANOTHER 30-minute escape from reality for the over-worked, stressed, short-attention-spanned, thirty something year old, average yuppie who did not have the time nor the interest to do anything requiring or involving his/her brain whatsoever….

 

Interestingly enough though, the show did two things quite brilliantly…

 

The first thing happened when they chose Robin for the role….

They picked a hairy, stocky man…..

Who by nature…..

Thought, expressed himself, and acted…..

As a 6 or 7 year old child…..

Free of rules and boundaries made up by complex factors such as religion, economics, racial interaction,  and political and social agendas….  

This alone was half of the appeal of the show….

 

The second occurred somewhere passed the half-life of the show….

When they introduced a child from Mork’s planet…..

This child was actually a 60-70 year old man….!!!

 

You see….

In Mork’s planet….

Wherever it was supposed to be…..

People were born old….

And  with the passing of every day….

They grew older mentally…..

While physically….

They became younger and younger…..

 

What a fantastic notion……!!!

Although silly at first….

This notion….

Makes perfect sense…..

(AT LEAST TO ME)….!!!!!

 

Bear with me….

OK?

Let’s examine this a little closer….

 

We are born ….

Weak….

Fragile….

Half baked and half developed….. 

(Let’s face it…. Babies may be cute (definitely not all of them….); but they have heads that are too big for their bodies….  They can’t even stand up or hold their wobbly heads straight….. )

Venerable to every element within our environment…..

With no sense of self-awareness…

 

Once we get passed the first incubation years…. During which we get “backed”….

We are filled with energy that comes out of nowhere… 

(have you ever seen a kid eat?  They don’t….  You have to constantly beg them to eat just ONE MORE BITE for mommy OK?…  and yet…. They have enough energy to single-handedly wipe out both of their parents, the nanny (if there is one), the neighbors, and the entire local chapter of the National Guard in one evening alone between 6 pm and 8 pm!!!!)…

 

Where was I….?

Oh ya…

Full of energy….

With tight, glowing skin that screams YOUTH….

A body that is as flexible as rubber…

An insatiable curiosity….

And a pure, untainted, unbiased, amazingly open and limitless imagination…

When asked how old they are…

They always try to sound older….   I’m 6 and 3/4s!.....

…

 

When we reach teenage years….

For most humans….

Everything goes out of balance….

Better said: out of whack…

Pimply….

Oily skin…

Body grows in an odd fashion making us look like something between a child and a freshly plucked ostrich…

Messed up emotions and thoughts…

Affected by an unbelievable mess of hormones…

And yet….

Still trying to be thought of as older as we really are…

Acting in stupid ways to TRY and look like grownups….

Some smoke….

Some drink….

Some pierce their bodies like pin cushions….

We declare a rebellion against the adults in our lives…

And rely more and more on the social acceptance of the peer group….

And emotionally abandon our families…  Especially the parents…  The “authority figures”…

 

Unfortunately…

This is when we are at our physical prime…

Our bodies are at peak performance…

Our sexual drives are so strong that could equal the collective sexual potential of a large crew at all-day porn shoot…

And yet…

We don’t have the means to do the things we CAN and WANT to do…

Highest sexual drive….

Yet, prohibited from free sexual activity (at least in most societies)…

Our physical fitness is at a level that we can do or endure almost anything…

Indestructible…

we are at that age…

Immortal….

We want to go FAST…

We don’t own (and can’t afford) a decent FAST car…

We can stay up and party for days…

But we don’t have a house or money…

We can eat anything…

But all we want at that time is to fill up the stomach….

Not to tease the senses and enrich the pallet…

We are ready to be adventurous and do things that take our endurance and physical form to its limits…. 

But other than screwing 4 wheels to a piece of plywood and sliding down everything in sight….

We do not have the means to explore the environment and to experience the things that years and years later we so regretfully jot down in our “things I would love to do before I die” list!!!!!

…

 

When we get to our twenties….

We enter the “snap out of it and grow up” phase!!!!

Party is beginning to dwindle down…

And the smarter ones realize that they have to get their s@#t together….

And plan for the future…

To spend our prime wasting precious time and to slave so that when we are once again frail and fragile….

Hopefully….

We have the means to BE TAKEN CARE OF…

…

 

When we reach our thirties…

We begin the “self examination” process…

Who am I supposed to be?

Who am I really?

What are my beliefs?

What constitutes my value system?

 

Still slaving and climbing the social ladder (or at least trying to)….

With all of these philosophical and fundamental questions ringing in our heads like loud drums over and over and over again…

Still torn between letting go of the good old carefree days and growing up and assuming “responsibility”….

Taking on the wanted or unwanted responsibility of raising children!!!!!!!!!!

(At least for most of us…)

Thinking….

I have no idea who the hell I am yet…

How can I possibly know what to do with this little impressionable thing that thinks of me as her/his super hero?

Pressures are too high…

If you are not married…

People want to know what’s wrong with you!

If you are married and have kids…. 

Well…

We covered that already…

 

Constantly being judged and labeled…

By yourself…

and by others…

What is your occupation?

How far up the ladder are you?

How much money do you make?

How big is your house?

 

And then…

 

BAAAAAAAAANG….

 

The forties come…

You’ve either made it by now…

Or you are in deep doo doo….

 

Body begins to crumble…

If you go to play basketball with a bunch of twenty-somethings…

You can hold your own on the court…

But your body will ache for a week after you get home….!

 

The cabinet in your bathroom is beginning to get filed up with pharmaceuticals…

You take anti depressants so that you won’t suddenly snap under the pressure and choke someone with your bare hands…. Or hang yourself off of some ceiling fan with the Gucci belt you got for Christmas from your wife….

 

You take sexual enhancement pills…

(Thank god that both men and women have them now….)

Because your anti-depressants took your sex drive away…

So now…

You are even more depressed…

 

Your manhood doesn’t rise to the occasion anymore…

Either because of the pills….

Or the fact that you and your significant other are totally bored of each other now….

So you go to the doctor….

And he gives you more anti depressants…

Which make you feel numb to it ALL…

 

If you are a woman…

You begin to be less and less pleased with your body…

Which is – once again – going through changes…

Whether you have given birth or not…

Gravity is taking its toll on you….

Things are not as firm as they used to be…

When you lie down on your back….

You have to adjust your boobs…  Which by now…. Each going a different direction if left unmanaged…

You hate the wrinkles….

So you pay top dollar to have poison injected in your face…

Or…

To take fat out of your ass…

And inject it into your lips….

Thinking you just bought yourself Angelina lips….

When in fact….

You look more like Donald Duck…..!

You miss the flat stomach…

And the bulletproof butt you used to have…

You look in the mirror…

And what you see…

Looks more like your mom than YOU…

 

If you’re a man…

You are constantly wondering why you have less and less hair on your head….

And increasingly more and more on the parts of your body that aren’t even supposed to have hair (unless you are a silverback and live in Africa or a zoo somewhere)…

Speaking of hair…

Why is it that when men color their hair they look so ridiculous; but when women do it, it looks so good (well… at least most of the time…)?

And what on earth do the people who wear a road-kill on their heads – or even worse – those guys who get plugs and walk around looking like an old doll with all the wholes in their head showing – thinking?...

Do they actually think they look good and sexy?

…

You look into the mirror…

And only see faint glimpses of the dashing, handsome, hunk of man you once were…

Instead…

And you wonder…

And worry…

About why you see less and less of your pecker every time you look down…

Is it the gut that is getting in the way as you pack more Krispy Kreme in it?...

Or is it actually your wonder-rod that is shriveling?...

 

 

You can’t eat anything you want….

Now that you have the brains and the money to enjoy exotic foods and tastes…

Because you are watching your weight….

Your collateral…

Your salt intake…

All you are eating more and more of….

Is medicine….

With the exception of a small percentage of the very lucky…

The rest…

Can’t take REAL vacations…

And take on the adventures and the journeys they dreamed of before (and will dream of for the rest of their lives)….

Because of jobs….

Or the kids…

Or…

(I don’t consider chasing crying and nagging kids around Disney Land and buying over-priced T-shirts at an amusement park t a vacation….

Popcorn and cotton candy are not exotic foods….

And just because they have fireworks at nigh and you can take your picture with a carton character, you can’t call yourself a well-traveled person even if you have been to every damn fun-fair and “blah blah Land/World” there is….)

 

 

That is why they call it “mid life crisis”….

If all of this is not a crisis…

I don’t know what is…

Remember how we wanted to “appear” older when we were young?...

During this particular crisis, we will do anything possible to “appear” younger than we really are!!!

Aside from those who go absolutely nuts…

Grow a pony tail even though they have lost all the hair on the top and the front….

Buy a Harley…

Get a tattoo of a “burning skull wearing an eye-patch and a bandana” to look cool and carefree…. 

(I am just itching to get one myself by the way – NOT the burning skull on fire wearing an eye-patch and a bandana though…. Maybe a little devil!!!!)…

 

CAREFREE..!!!

what a joke…..

Get fake boobs bigger than their own heads…..

(don’t get me wrong…  I have nothing against plastic surgery or any type of enhancement…  But I do think a lot of us take things beyond what would be NATURALY acceptable and proportional to FREAKISH dimensions)….

Go to the gym to reverse the inevitable…..

The rest….

The majority…..

Stop fighting…..

They resign to the fact that they are no longer young…..

And the body that knew no limits only a few years ago….

Is beginning to be the prison cell in which their minds are sentenced to spend the rest of their days……

So….

Giving up on the outer-self….

We focus on the inner-self…..

Why am I in this rat race?

How can I give more meaning to my life?.....

WHAT IS MY LEGACY?

…

 

I’m still in my early forties…..

So I don’t have first hand experience with what happens next….

But, we’ve all seen it…..

The physical decline has gained more momentum……

You are slowing down…..

And wishing that life and time would slow down too…..

To give you more time….

To do all the things you didn’t get to do…..

Or…

Perhaps to undo some of the things you should not have done…..!!!!!

Not focusing on the inevitable future….

We find more pleasure….

In reliving and rehashing the few fund memories of the past……

Why do you think we go senile….?

Or get Alzheimer’s?

Get in a room….

Close the blinds…..

Shut off all outside contacts…..

Turn on a TV and watch the same re-run over and over again……

What do you think will happen to your brain?!!!!!

 

 

So…..

At the end of this life journey……

We go full circle……

We….

Once again….

Become….

Fragile…..

Weak…..

Half backed…. (or should I say, overcooked)!!!! LOL

Our bodies and our minds fail us….

And we perish…..

 

 

So you ask…..

“what does all of this have to do with Mork and Mindy?”…..

Remember I told you that on Mork’s planet, babies are born with old bodies and immature minds?…..

And as they grow older, their bodies get younger and their minds mature?

 

Now you know where I am going with this…..

WHAT WOULD LIFE BE LIKE IF WE REVERSED THE CIRCLE I DESCRIBED SO FAR?

 

You would come to this world with an aged and tired body…..

And the mind of an infant….. 

Your physical activity needs at this stage are very limited…..

All you have to do really….

Is to eat, s#$t and sleep…..

And an old body is just the right outfit for that….

Perfectly suited……

 

With the passing of every day…..

You have more energy…..

You are more able….

You are more vibrant……

You spend your old years playing with other old people….

Freely….

Like little kids….

Go to kindergarten…..

To school……

By the time your mind gets to the teenage years…..

Your body is still too old to have sexual desires……

So you can focus on your studies and later on your career….

On making MONEY……

When you get to your thirties (remember, we are going in reverse)…..

You have accumulated your means….

You now have the means to do the things you want (all the things I described)…..

To eat what you want….. (You are done taking pills now)….

You get stronger and stronger and younger every day…..

By the time you retire….

You are in the peek of your physical and mental development…..

Now ….

Sky is the limit……

You enjoy life….

Because YOU CAN……

And because you are mature enough to understand what really matters!!!

(We always say… “If I only knew then what I know now”…  Well… in the reversal theory, that is exactly the case)…

 

Later on…..

When you get near the end…..

You have become fragile once again…..

This time as an infant…..

Instead of a decaying reject of nature……

Your mind has turned blank again…..

You have no sense of self-awareness….

You are fragile….

And you pass away……

 

 

When you think of it…..

Under both scenarios……

We start fragile and unaware……

And we end…..

Fragile and unaware……

 

So…..

Indeed….

It is the MIDDLE that counts……

It is not….

The beginning of the journey…..

Nor the destination……

That matters……

What is important…..

What really matters…..

IS THE JOURNEY ITSELF…..!!!!!

 

So start…..

Start today…..

Start NOW…

This very moment…..

And…..

For as long as you can…..

LIVE YOUR LIFE IN REVERSE!