Self Discovery

As I look back and reflect, I can distinctly separate my life so far in stages (in terms of my relationship with the “self within”).
As a teenager, I hurried to become and be an adult… And, as a young adult, I hurried and “raced” to achieve as much as I could-in terms of my career and my professional life-in the shortest amount of time possible…

It was not until my thirties when my “true journey of self discovery” began…

I suppose having come to the finish line faster than even I had expected, granted me the luxury to take a bit of time and to take a closer look at the “inventory” of what I had collected thus far in my soul…

…

I walk into the space where I keep my art supplies…
I look around and see all the blank canvases that are stacked up against the wall… Waiting to accept whatever destiny I have in mind for them…
Although these blank canvases vary in shape and size, they all have one thing in common… They are pure, untainted, blank, OPEN, and filled with infinite possibilities…

As children...
We not only see the world around us as such empty canvases, but we also possess souls with the same properties as I described… Pure, untainted, blank, OPEN, and filled with infinite possibilities…
As we grow and mature-at least for the vast majority-the empty canvas of WHO we are is slowly, but consistently impacted and manipulated by us in reaction to the environment that surrounds us… Affected by our parents, peers, the culture that we are born into, religion, society, our position within the society from a socio-economic perspective, our education, husbands, wives, children, etc.
In most cases, the endless and infinite world of possibilities, gives way to limits and boundaries created not necessarily by us, rather a collection of what our environment has marked as “acceptable boundaries”… “SAFE boundaries”…

Dreaming, then, is usually frowned upon and is mistakenly confused with irresponsibility!

Our boldness and sense of adventure become chained and bound by FEARS and cautiousness… After all, the more you achieve and accumulate, the more you have to lose!!! And thus, the desire for a sense of security creeps up on you and before you know it the infinite world you saw as a child becomes a very confined-yet comfortable-space!!!...

Now… before you decide that you disagree with me, let me say that what I have described is not absolute, neither does it appear in the same shape and form and degree of intensity for everyone. But I stand firm behind my hypothesis that it DOES happen to every single one us in some varying degree.

One can argue-quite successfully I might add-that all of this is part of the process of our maturity… And like wine, we become finer and finer with age, although in order to do so, the wine needs to be kept (trapped) in a bottle, corked and sealed!!!

I do not necessarily disagree with this notion...

What I am concerned about is HAPPINESS!!!

If you ask people whether they are happy, most of them-almost automatically-will answer you with a “yes”.

Then you ask them what makes them happy? And they will tell you that they would love to travel and see the world… Learn how to play a musical instrument… Spend all of their time gardening…. (You get the picture…)
Then you ask: Well, how much traveling are you doing?
None at the moment…
Why?
Well, I have to work and only get two weeks a year... and with the kids’ school we can’t just get up and leave any time we want…. And the list of excuses goes on and on…

So, then you think to yourself that this person is living a complete lie!!!

She/he knows what makes her/him happy, but cannot attain or realize them, and yet still claims to be happy!!!

Happy with WHAT then?

Some of you… by now… are saying to yourselves: Great… Here comes another eccentric and irresponsible artist criticizing us, the way we live, and how the entire world operates simply because he is trying to justify his own lifestyle and unconventional choices!...

If you are one of those, then go back and read this article from the very beginning again! You have completely missed the point.

…

Am I happy?

Was the question that I asked myself when I celebrated my 30th birthday; and have been asking that question ever since!!!...

I may be aging into a fine wine; and that is all well and good… But damn it… I am trapped in this dark and confound bottle!!!!

Am I happy?

Can I break the bottle without spilling the wine or spoiling it?!!!!

…

The answer to this question, to me, now at this stage in my life is an emphatic and ardent YES!!!

You can indeed break the bottle and still preserve the wine…

But how?...

…

As I said at the very beginning, I rushed and fast-forwarded through childhood and young adulthood to get to my plans and goals as early as I possibly could… And I am not regretful, for I have done quite well for myself…

But…
Somewhere…
In the process…
The meaning of happiness changed!!!… And I became one of those people who say and think they are happy, but in reality are as far from it as one can be by simply changing the priority and the order of what makes them happy…

Freedom is replaced by job security…

Hunger and lust for life are replaced by artificial contentment because it is simply too risky and you have too much to lose!

…

We have all read, heard, or been told about the cliché of getting in touch with the child within…

I am neither affirming it nor rejecting it…

But I say go even farther!!!

To abandon the baggage of rules, expectations, fears, artificial responsibilities-that are nothing but sheepish excuses we create for ourselves, I say, LOSE YOURSELF…

Instead of continuing to try to find ourselves and what makes us happy within the confines of rules, expectations (our own as well as that of others)… I say… LOSE YOURSELF…

Abandon what you believe to be absolute and impossible to change…

Abandon who you think you should be… Who you have been conditioned and taught to be… And look for who you WANT to be…

Shed all the filters that we have progressively been told to place in front of our own eyes to see the world…

See the world not as a limited selection of choices, but rather, as infinite…

Lose yourself…

And I assure you…
That on the other end of this journey…
Is the sweet re-discovery of who we are, what makes us happy, and how to pursue that happiness…!!!

I say…
That in the road of self discovery and enlightenment, the “bottle” can indeed be broken and the sweet wine will NOT spill or spoil…!!!

With that, I give you my latest painting… “Self Discovery”!